Lessons of a Halloween Costume

Pockets

I don't hate pockets. That would be absurd. Pockets are probably one of the greatest inventions in the history of clothing, after clothing and the red fuzzy hat.

My problem is that no one understands how to make pockets.


For reference, this (at least the top pockets) is what pockets should look like (photo credit DPoPhoto). Note the angle, which faces outwards to allow the hands to enter them easily and withdraw objects without difficulty. Moreover, note how they are placed close to the side of the pants, allowing the pocket to hold many items without interfering too greatly with walking.

The costume I wore most of the day yesterday necessitated my buying of a new pair of jeans for the first time in some time (as I do not usually wear jeans) and I did so operating under the assumption that the pockets would be the same sort of pockets as shown in the picture above.

You can imagine my disgust, then, when I discovered that the pockets were vertical.

I do not know who started this trend or why, but I am greatly disappointed in them. Vertical pockets are next to useless. The are difficult to reach into, requiring near-gymnastic maneuvers for those of us with long arms to reach into them. Moreover, their contents press against the foreleg, impeding walking and generally causing discomfort.

And yet, a flickr search revealed that this seems to be the norm amongst jeans. Why would the makers of pants decide to punish us like this? It is an unreasonable design choice and yet it persists.

There is, unfortunately, an even more egregious design flaw in the current pants industry that seems even more widespread and worse than misoriented pockets: pants with no pockets whatsoever (or only token pockets).

There are perfectly good reasons for having many or few pockets on a pair of pants. Which is in fashion changes frequently, and having additional storage space is sometimes important even when multi-pocketed pants are out of style.

But why have zero pockets? I can't think of anyone that has neither a phone nor a wallet that they need to carry around, let alone a key to a dorm room. And of course it is possible to carry a purse or satchel, but that is not always practical. An item might get lost in a purse, or a bag of any kind might not be able to be carried in a given area. And yet pants continue to be made without pockets to the detriment of everyone.

I find myself wanting for an explanation for this bizarre phenomenon. After considerable racking of my brain the only answer that seemed apparent was some sort of conspiracy between the designers of purses and those of pants. Or, perhaps, the fact that seemingly idiotproof pockets could be ruined proves the old adage: "No matter how well you idiot-proof something, Nature will invent a better idiot".

I hate poorly made pockets. I truly despise them. Don't even get me started on